I know that my last post was a downer, but I have a feeling it won't be the last either. This journey hasn't even "technically" began yet, and already it's a roller coaster of emotions. One moment I'm really excited, and then another moment I'm completely terrified!
I've been doing a lot of browsing through the online forum of my doctor's office. It's been really good to read people's success stories, but I think even more importantly I think it's been good to see people's struggles too. The last thing I want to get into my brain is that this surgery is going to be a cure-all for my weight problems. Sure, it would be great if everything goes perfect and I have no complications whatsoever, but let's be serious!!!
Last night they had a support group where my surgeon was going to be there to answer any questions, so I figured even though I haven't had the surgery yet, it would great to talk to some people who have. I bugged my mom and sister to go along with me because they, like many other people, have expressed concerns about this surgery and my health and safety. I was hoping to put their minds at ease...
I thought I was going to come away from the support group all fired up to get the surgery done, but I didn't. I didn't change my mind about having the surgery, but I think the gravity of this decision really sunk in. I wasn't surprised to hear the patients say they had difficulty swallowing, eating certain foods, or even that they still struggled with willpower; what shocked me the most was that they all seemed to suffer from some kind of emotional "trauma" - if that's the right word for it. Most of them said that they have found themselves being a lot more sharp, impatient, and just plain mean after having the surgery. When I got home I talked to my husband about it and we both agreed that dealing with emotional issues isn't something that is new to us, so knowing this might be a problem, we just have to be proactive about treating and dealing with it.
I think my mom and sister came away from the group feeling better about my decision, well, not as worried at least. I think they still think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but becoming healthy and active is everything to me now, and I'm willing to be a little crazy in order to be happy. Being able to take care of my little girl how I want to, and having more healthy children in the future, is my biggest motivation for doing this. As I've said before, my goal is not to become a super model, or even become "bikini" worthy, I just want to be able to make my own decisions. If I want to go rock climbing, by golly I'm gonna do it! If I want to try water skiing or snow boarding, by golly I'm gonna do it! No more missing out on things because my weight says I can't!!!
